Start by cooking the linguine in a large pot of salted boiling water until al dente, then drain and set aside.
In a large, deep pan, melt 2 tablespoons of butter over medium-high heat. Add the ground beef and cook for about 6-8 minutes, breaking it apart until it’s nicely browned with some crispy bits. Season the beef with salt, pepper, smoked paprika, garlic powder, and Italian seasoning.
Push the beef to one side of the pan. In the empty side, add the remaining 3 tablespoons of butter, along with the diced onion and minced garlic. Sauté for about 3 minutes until the onion becomes translucent.
Pour in the heavy cream and bring the mixture to a gentle simmer. Gradually whisk in the cream cheese until it’s fully melted and the sauce is smooth.
Stir in the sharp cheddar, Parmesan, and mozzarella, adding them one handful at a time until the sauce is thick, glossy, and velvety.
Add the drained linguine to the sauce, tossing until every strand is generously coated in the cheesy goodness.
Finish off with a sprinkle of fresh parsley and serve hot, enjoying those delightful stretchy cheese moments!